Time Management

Last week, my wife and I met up with a friend at a local brewery for lunch. My friend had had a challenging week and took the afternoon off. We tried new beers and seltzers and she introduced us to a simple but delicious Italian dish she remembered from childhood. We laughed and talked and shared a lemon cake. It was a delightful afternoon. It took me back to the best afternoon of my working life.

In 2003. Shawn and I rented a two bedroom in a 4-plex in Uptown Minneapolis. My friend Jaime, my freshman roommate in college, also lived in the neighborhood and worked for the post office. She had a Thursday off so we met at a local dive bar for french fries and beer.

I don't remember what beers we drank. I don't remember the fries being anything exceptional or hearing any particular song. I don't remember how our hair was or anything we were wearing. I can't even remember a single thing we talked about. All I remember is that we laughed and had a great time and that I took the afternoon off. I never took an afternoon off.

Jaime got married and divorced. She met the love of her life and moved to the suburbs. We moved to the northeast side and then to Des Moines. We all got busy and spent less time together. At 35, Jaime got metastatic breast cancer. I didn't understand what metastatic meant back then. I wrote the poem Damnit Petersen about her death. Poetry is the only way I can talk about this even today.

In 2003, we had no idea what our lives would hold, but we were sure we had all the time in the world. We were sure we would be sitting side by side in matching rocking chairs at age 85; probably drinking beer and eating fries.

Like I said, I never took days off. My whole career, I put in extra time evenings and weekends. During the 15 years I was working for a non-profit, I was underpaid and in various degrees of debt. When I came to state government, I earned a good living, but I still gave so much extra time and talent. I cared deeply about my students and clients and for the most part don't regret this. But if I could go back and change one thing, I'd take more afternoons off. I'd spend more time with people just shooting the shit and enjoying their company. Especially Jaime, but with alot of other folks who are now far away.

Not only would taking time off to spend with friends have made me a happier, better adjusted person and given me more pleasant memories to look back on, but it would have made me a better teacher and boss. I would have been more relaxed which would have made me more open to inspiration. I would have lightened up and found more generosity and kindness. I would have listened better and not tied my self into so many knots trying to do everything. Ok, maybe that last one is a bit of a stretch, but if I had the chance to tell my 23 year old self anything, it's that every time you have a choice between people and paperwork, choose people and when you have the choice between and ordinary work day and a spontaneous hang with a friend, choose the friend.