After The Rain

Now that cancer is no longer an active hurricane and instead more like storm clouds on the horizon and I'm off the tornado of Prednisone, I am feeling a lot of joy and relief. It also leaves me to work through all the various new facts of life that I've discussed over the past few months like the adrenal insufficiency, balance, ringing in the ears, headaches, digestive pain, etc. Then there are the old issues like ADD, menopause, and the deteriorating disc in my lower back that were too minor to think about when cancer was raining and blowing over everything.

I'm fortunate never to have been through a natural disaster, but I do feel like I'm trying to clean up and rebuild after Hurricane Kidney Cancer leveled my world. I feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to start. I'm excited about the possibilities for rebuilding, but feel like I'm still gathering materials. I do know that I want to get in the best shape possible so the next hurricane will have more trouble knocking me over. This means replacing fat with muscle. I've been walking 4 miles a day. I'm going to add lifting and other exercises at a reasonable pace. My nature is to do everything now, Activator was my #3 and Achiever my #5 on the

[Gallup Strengths Finder](https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx). But I've learned the value of rest. And after 24 years together, I've maybe learned something from my wife's Deliberate trait.

This rebuild is an opportunity to slow down and not just ponder, but take in and be present for all the experience. I have a tendency to avoid meditating when I am in pain, but I am going to eventually need to learn to sit with pain. I will find ways to lessen the various pains, but they will never go away entirely.

The other day I had an adrenal crisis and had the experience of not really being able to feel my body. On the one hand, it was really nice to be totally pain free and very chill, but I can't live like that. Even after the pills kicked in, I was so wiped that I fell asleep and missed a volunteer advocacy call. I have learned to just acknowledge and live with the pain I have most of the time after eating anything with fat or sugar. I'm working on eating less fat and sugar, but I'm not going to build a life that doesn't make space for great food.

I may not have the entire floor plan yet, but this rebuild will definitely have a big kitchen and a dining room with space for guests. And one thing I know for sure is that every time I have to rebuild, it's always going to be an open concept.

And here is the cheesy '80s/early '90s reference: (After The Rain by Nelson)[